Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize