I can tuck mytits in my pants
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
