Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
