remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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