She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
