Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
