I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
