I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
