I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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