Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
