A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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