It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
