My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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