I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
