I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
