Quick, to the slutcave!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
