You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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