I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
