I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
