so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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