don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
