At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
