The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
