Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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