Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
