can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
