Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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