At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize