Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
