if you like me you must not know who I am
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize