Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
