he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
