Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
