I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
