oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
