I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
