I'm lost and stupid without you.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
