so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am one with the molecules
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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