The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
