your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
