I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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