Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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