Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
