Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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