my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
