well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
