So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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