just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
