The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize