dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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