I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
