Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
