like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
