There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
