I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
