can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
