I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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