my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
