I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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