FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize