Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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