Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
