You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
