I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
