Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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