You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
