The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize