man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
smell my finger.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
