Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
