He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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