Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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